Wake Me Up Inside (Save Me)

Wake Me up Inside (Save Me)
Rating: R for some language and light mentions of rape
Pairing: Hattice

******

Tarrant is 100. That's what Alice was used to thinking lately. In Aboveworld's timeline he should be 100 though Tarrant wasn't even in his early thirties yet. But his functions and habits this past week anyone would say he was on the verge of decaying.

He had become hollow and non existent. He can fake life very well. On stage it's not hard for him to be sexy rock star and have the fangirls graveling at his feet, even though he'll love no one more than Alice. But once the mic was put away for the night and the theatrics are gone he is dead on the inside. He grew cold, distant and wouldn't even make tea anymore. When wrong words are spoken he would be quick to snap, even volatile. And it seems that the only one who knew that was Alice.

She tried on many attempts to talk to the other band mates about it and all of them had told her that Tarrant can get like that sometimes and it would be better to let him be. She couldn't. She was the only to notice the decline in the fiery red head's muchness since a thunderstorm was hovering over Disneyland lately. She could see it in public and private settings. In the room they shared Tarrant wouldn't even touch her most nights. Not a cuddle throughout the night, or heated passionate encounters, not even a kiss on the cheek. Nothing. When he slept he would scream and cry out. If Alice would touch him or try to wake him he would ward her away and leave, usually locking himself away in the bathroom or leaving the house all together for the night. One night she had even attempted to please him by making lingerie for herself out of Tarrant's scrap fabric littering their room and waited for him on a rose petal covered bed. When he saw her he simply looked at her, threw his hat to her and walked away into the rain. Not a word spoken. She was so devastated she threw on a robe and slept on the couch, crying. Alice needed to find the Man that she loved again.

The next morning Alice woke up before everyone else in the house and began making a light breakfast of tea, scrambled eggs and toast. She took her breakfast to the kitchen table. Once she sat down she didn't touch it. She buried her hands into her face and slowly began to cry. Tears running down her cheeks and falling into her tea. She tried very hard to keep it quiet as to not alarm the others who were more than likely sleeping. She already knew what they would say if they saw her like this: they'd tell her she was overeating and that Tarrant has always been a hard man to understand. But she knows him. She may not have known Tarrant as long as they have but the seamstress she sings with, the mad man with the beautiful hats she stays with is not the Tarrant she fell in love with.

A hand gently caressed her shoulder. It came so quietly she yelped loudly. A calm hearty voice lulled her.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to scare you. Are you...crying?", Nivens asked. He grabbed a chair beside her and kept his arm around her. She closed her eyes and leaned sideways into his chest, covering her tear streaked face. She sobbed lowly in his arms.

"Nivens, I don't know what to do. Tarrant has become such a horrible person. He's been so evil to me and no one is listening to me when I say that he's changed. I feel so alone."

The White Rabbit couldn't help but feel a little guilty about that. Of course like everyone else he told Alice that this was just the Hatter's nature. He knew that the singer had moments where he can be insufferable but not to the point where Alice couldn't handle it. He should have known better. He should have listened to her.

His hand came up to stroke her hair, "Alice. I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was this bad. As your best friend I should have known. When Tarrant wakes up we'll talk to him okay? You shouldn't have to go at this alone." Alice wiped her face and smiled weakly at him. She wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. "Thank you. Because right now..." she paused shortly "...I'm afraid of him." Nivens eyes widened, "Don't be afraid of him, Alice. Of anyone here he would never hurt you." He kissed her forehead and stood up. "Anyway, T is cancelled tonight due to the thunderstorm coming through today so I have to pick up my mixing deck from the stage. But I'll be right back and we'll talk more okay?"

the blond singer rubbed her hands nervously together on the table and nodded. Satisfied with her response he walked out the front door. No sooner had the Rabbit closed the door Alice could hear footsteps behind her that made her heart skip. She knew that footfall too well. She turned her head slightly to see Tarrant, still in his stage clothes minus his hat and jacket walking over to the sink and filling a coffee mug with water.

Alice was almost shaking. She was actually scared of him. The man that she had been with for almost a year was now more intimidating than the Jaberwocky. She opened her mouth and forced the air from her lungs to make a sound.
"Morning..." was all she could produce. Tarrant said nothing, motioned nothing, as if he didn't hear her. He topped off his coffee mug with water and placed a tea bag in it. He walked the few feet to the microwave and started it up. Now Alice knew something was undoubtedly wrong. Tarrant used to call this method "Bastards tea" to make it by microwave instead of a kettle. She knew had the rest of band seen this they'd forsake Tarrant forever as being unbelievably daft. She tried not to let the surprise show on her face. As the timer went off the seamstress went about mixing in his sugar and blowing on his tea. Alice stood up, frightfully taking a few steps closer to him. "Tarrant...we should talk"

There was an unearthly shutter that struck Alice as a clap of thunder boomed after she spoke, followed by the sound of heavy rainfall. Tarrant slowly turned around to face the blond leaning his back against the counter. His tea to his lips.

Alice studied his face. He was a ghost of a man. Tarrant's makeup was smeared, black eyeliner smeared across his eyes and face. His cheeks and eyes sunken, as if he hadn't been eating or sleeping in days. his body already thin but now completely gaunt. He looked like he had also been hurting myself. He had small bruises to his arms that looked self inflicted. He looked like he was dying.

Alice approached him. standing a sizable distance from him. His dull golden eyes dead in a stare at her, bordering his mug's brim. She brought her hand out toward the male singer and it caused him to twitch and back into the sink. She could see that it was now cutting into him.

"Get away from me, Stayne", he whispered.

Alice tilted her head to the side. 'Did he just call me Stayne? The Knave of Hearts?' Alice closed in cautiously. The look in Tarrant's eyes grew fearful, frightened. Another thunder clap startled the seamstress. He lowered his mug to his side and looked towards the window over his shoulder. The mug's contents spilling out onto the side of his pant leg and dripping over his bare feet. The steam rising from his spills. Alice was alarmed that this didn't bother him at all. She reached out for the mug.

"Tarrant, you're spilling hot tea on you? Can't you feel that?"

Her fingers brushed his hand and Tarrant jolted, scaring Alice back.
"Don't touch me, You Bastard!"

The blond backed off, walking backwards away from him. "Tarrant! What are you talking about? It's me, Alice!"

Tarrant walked towards her, tea still spilling onto his feet. He glared dangerously at Alice.

"Get the fuck away from me, Stayne! I'm free now! you can't hurt me anymore!"

Alice backed herself completely against the wall. Hands outreached towards the hatter, "Tarrant, wake up! Stayne isn't here. It's just you and me!"

"Fuck you! You'll never hurt me again. Alice will save me! Get back!" The seamstress raised his mug and threw it towards the blond. Alice ducked to the left and narrowly missed the cup as it shattered against the wall. She gasped loudly as she crumbled to the floor. "Tarrant! Please stop. It's me!"

There was the loud sound of a DJ's mixing table hitting the floor as Nivens stood in the doorway, wet, out of breath and shock written over his face at what he'd just witnessed. He paced over to Alice and crouched down beside her. "Alice, are you okay?" The shocked blond looked to him and nodded. Nivens looked up and saw the confused look on Tarrant's face. The rabbit rose up and ran to the hatter and punched him square in the jaw. The blow had such force it knocked him to the ground. Alice screamed.
"NIVENS STOP!"

The rabbit went lower and grabbed the front of the hatter's shirt, forcing him to face him. "What the hell is wrong with you?! Why are you attacking Alice?"

'Alice?...Did I?'

Tarrant blinked and Nivens could see the color rise in Tarrant's eyes. He looked scared, guilty. He wrenched himself free of Niven's grasp and looked passed him to see a frightened Alice curled up on the ground staring back at him. She could see that the hatter's eyes were back to they're proper color. He quickly straightened himself up. "Alice, Did I...?" before she could respond he ran out through the front door. Nivens watches as he runs out into the open rain then turns to Alice.

The blond starts to rise as Thackery, Mallymkun and Chesshur rushed from their rooms, panicked over the sounds of glass breaking and Alice screaming. The singer looks to Nivens as he nods to her and walks over to the band members and tries to settle them down. Alice takes her window and runs out after Tarrant.

The rain beats heavily on her as she runs out towards the stage She can see Tarrant curled into himself in the center of the stage. Arms wrapped around his legs and his face buried in his knees. She rushes to him but keeps her distance.

"Tarrant. It's Alice. I want you to look at me" Quietly he obeyed. Lifting his head, staring into her clear blue eyes. Alice could see him now. This was her Tarrant. She reached out and touched his shoulder. The hatter leaned into her touch warmly as he opened himself up and wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his face in her chest.

"Tarrant. What's happened to you? You've been so cold and mean. And just now in the kitchen...That wasn't even you. You called me Stayne. You looked at me like you wanted to kill me. Why?"

There a long moment of silence before he spoke.

"...Storms"
"What?"
Tarrant looked up at her "Thunder storms. Those were Stayne's favorite. When he captured me after I threw my hat to save you he had me locked away in his personal dungeon. He would barley feed me or give me privacy. I was there for days before being presented to the Red Queen. And in that time if he got frustrated with her he'd chain me to a wall and beat me til I couldn't stand. The Queen never liked thunder storms so the nights when they came through she wouldn't want his company. Thats when he would come to me. He would throw me across his room or pin me to the bed. Sometimes he'd wrap my chains around my throat and-"

"Tarrant, please stop. Don't tell me anymore." Alice begged. She wrapped Tarrant in her arms tightly, not intent on letting him go. "I knew Stayne was a horrible monster but I had no idea he did this to you."

The hatter looked up and Alice saw tears in his eyes."Every time he did I always reminded myself that at least you made it. That this wont last much longer and you will save me, wake me up from this nightmare." He shifted to sitting on his knees, clutching desperately to the singer's robes. "He still haunts me, Alice. I see him when I sleep, when I sing, When I look at you. Save me, Alice!"

Her breath stuck in her throat. She had no idea what Tarrant had went through before had she reached the Red Queen's castle. Couldn't fathom the pain and torture he went through and through all of that he clung only to the hope that she would free him. She re-embraced the hatter, running her free hand through his wet orange hair.

"It's okay, Tarrant. He's gone. Long gone. He can never hurt you again. I'll never allow it."
He hiccuped quietly against her chest. A sign of his that she knew meant he was calming down.
"But in all my delusions of seeing him I almost hurt you. I can't forgive that. You're my world, Alice. I can't live with knowing I've hurt you."

"But you didn't. You couldn't separate your imagination from reality. And I understand how thunderstorms can trigger that. But we will get through this, Tarrant. I love you and we will conquer this together."

She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him slowly. His tension was so strong she could taste it. She waited til he returned the kiss and feel him beginning to breathe normally. She broke the kiss and embraced him again. Tarrant rested against her chest as she ran her hand through his hair. Her other hand caressing his arms that were firmly wrapped around her waist. He closed his eyes contently.
"I love you too, Alice. My Champion. "

The rain continued to beat down on them as a boom of thunder shook the sky. Alice was surprised to see that Tarrant didn't react to the noise. A sign that progress has begun. She smiled.